facing your fears and other facts of life

What do people mean, really, when they tell you, 'face your fears'? I've heard all the bullcrap about building character, and being courageous, etc., BUT what I have found...is that either you just simply deal with your fears, or your mind becomes trapped in a prison of your own making. And let's be realistic folks, who wants to live a life of entrapment? {Unless it includes Sean Connery of course.} However, in light of all of this - I have actually found something that I believe is more difficult that facing my fears so to say, it is actually coming to the self-realization of what they are. And even MORE difficult than that - is the consequences of facing that fear. Not all character building situations allow you to come out unscathed...courageous or not. Sometimes the possibility of the result is worse that the action - or the imprisonment.

I also must discuss my ephiphony for the weekend. I was taking a bubble bath in this lovely jacuzzi tub and some spirit - either of Truth or nonessential consequence, but nonetheless came to me with these thoughts. So, there I am, greatly enjoying my unexpected bathing opportunity when it occured to me that money isn't really such a bad thing. I've just always assumed my whole life I would never have any. That I would marry into the ministry and all that entails. BUT, I kind of felt like I was given a choice...or at least another door opening up as to where my future could possibly lie. I think it could possibly go one of two ways...
1. I'll marry a guy who is a professional. Makes a nice living, will be sold out to the Lord and will allow me to volunteer in ministry to my little hearts content. We would have a great marriage, a great family and be volunteer instead of vocational.

OR

2. I'll marry a guy who is in full-time ministry. Who makes enough money for us to live, who will be sold out to ministry, and who I will work beside as long as we're able. We would also have a great marriage, a great family - except our lives would be vocational instead of volunteer.

Neither choice is a bad one. Neither choice would make me unhappy. I think as long as I found a man who made me feel secure, loved and whose first priority was his relationship with Christ, then I could deal with pretty much anything else. BUT, the first choice never ever occured to me as a real possibility. I just assumed God's plan for my life instead of leaving all my options open. Seeing guys doing ministry get's me going that's for sure - {which I must confess in a side note here, has proven to be in my life very distracting and confusing at times. Why are guys so hott when they're doing ministry? Why all of a sudden do you see them in a different light? *sigh*} - but I guess I just always assumed it would be ministry of a church workin kind, not volunteer. It shall be interesting to see which door I ultimately end up walking through.

Well, seeing as how I still feel like crap - I am off to sit for awhile and finish my creepy, scary book. I plan on not moving for a long, lloonngg while. And if I am needed for 'mom' purposes, I shall plug my ears and scream bloody murder. Or simply move. Yeah, it might be time for me to move again.