Christmas Presents and finding my own...

Usually the first day of November represents for me multiple things. Finally getting to wear sweaters, cold days and colder nights, the first snow, turkey and pumpkin pie, but my favorite... CHRISTMAS SHOPPING!!! I love everything about it. The decorations at the mall, agonizing for hours over what to get everyone, finding the PERFECT gift, the music, I even like the crowds. I've had a tradition since I was in college and finally bought all my own gifts :), that no matter what - on the first day it snows, even if it's just spitting, I will go Christmas shopping. It just simply puts me in the mood. And I do love my moods. However, amid all my Christmas chatter, it is strangely not feeling like November. Has it even been October yet? I'm confused by my time warp, and not entirely settled. When I broke out my Christmas list this morning I felt a little twinge in my tummy...and no, this is not from all the candy I greedily consumed last night. I just find it odd that time marches on, and leaves me not only older - but ironically wiser and without a clue as to wear it all went. What a dichotomy of sorts. *pondering*

I must contribute one teensy weensy paragraph to this...for all of you "in the know". Things are no longer all that 'complicated'...and instead of true disappointment, I mostly just feel utter relief. Confusion does not rest well on my shoulders, BUT now the discernment process must begin. *sigh* I'm already tired just thinking about it.

And lastly, my wonderful cult following, I must make a confession. One I was unaware of until I voiced it to my fabulous friend Sarah. (Who is beautiful and single by the way...you may apply for her number through me). Anyway, we were talking about being bored last night, and not bored in the 'hey you want to see a movie kind of thing', but just freaking bored with life. Always wondering why we're so antsy to move on, to leave where we are to find 'home'. And I guess that's kind of what it boiled down to. It surprised me to some extent because I just thought I was one of those loser ministers who has the horrid pattern of moving every 18 months or so because things just don't work out, or I get too restless. BUT, I think we stumbled upon something different. And that is this...I think the reason I'm always wanting to 'move on' so to say, is because I'm just searching for that place where I truly belong. My home. I'm trying very hard here not to sound very Michael W. Smithish...but he was onto something there in the 90's. I haven't found my 'place' yet. I haven't been 'home' in a really long time. My greatest fear is in never finding it.

Well, peace out my friendsies. Oh, and love too.