Conversations and Dreams

I wanted to start this entry with a picture of my Eve. The way she looks in this picture, is exactly the way I feel about my dreams. The parallel is uncanny. I have come to realize that after spending time talking with two of my dream pals, that I hold onto my dreams the way Eve is holding onto this doll. Why is it that I am so defensive/afraid/unwilling to let go of what I think I want? I so desperately want to hold on to what I want, that I’m forgetting that I need to wipe the slate clean and just believe.

I’ve been having some pretty crazy conversations lately. Especially considering who they’re with and where we all our (timeline wise) in our lives. Yet, it is through these conversations of church/worship/community/serving/future that compels me to spend tremendous amounts of time with God seeking His direction. It is through these conversations that I am encouraged enough to pursue the depression that is currently my church. It is through these conversations that I know I am called to let go of my “doll” and do what God needs me to do now, so that I can truly do what he needs me to do later.

It is crazy how much fear paralyzes me from true movement. However, my friend Silas put that in perspective for me today better than anyone possibly could have. I would share his insight, but it would truly be longer than I have time for. Just know that it is time for me to move. It is time for sacrificial amounts of prayer, fasting and believing. It is time to live now.

I have so much more I want to say, but I have multitudes of children who need both my attention and my time. And because they matter, I will give them both. Oh how I hate patience though! I want to talk and dream and go now!!! Even in the midst of my children. But once again, perhaps this is just another lesson I need to learn. How to balance it all. (Not being prophetic here, just gut instinct), but I think my time of family is coming sooner than even I realize. However, it will call me to a life of everything I just mentioned, that will be full and dangerous. And hard. So let it begin!