Interesting

I sure am blogging a lot lately. I think it's because I'm actually talking a lot less. :) If anyone can actually believe that is true, because strangely enough it is.

I find it interesting how lucky I am to have been able to drift into growing up. I've never been forced by circumstances beyond my control, by abuse, or death or neglect. I've definately had my heart broken, by situations both chosen and and circumstancial. I say all of this because I find myself over the last several weeks really feeling my age. Really find myself looking in the mirror and realistically discovering who is there. My focus for so long has always been on the future: when and who I'm going to marry, when I'm going to have children, a career I actually love, when I'm going to finally get to Europe to do community, or when my friends will quit scattering across the damn country. Tonight I finally stopped looking ahead, and just looked in the mirror. I saw me. Who I am RIGHT NOW, opposed to "someday". I looked closely at my goals, my relationships, my life. I opened my eyes, and you know what? Everything is okay.

God is my greatest comfort. My greatest ally. My greatest dreamer. Ironically enough I recalled a scripture I had memorized eons ago..."there is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear". It is simply amazing to me how when you really embrace scripture, things change. How lame am I to make it complicated. It was just that clear all along.

As always, everything is changing again. But oh how glorious the change. Oh how stunning the clarity of the love of Christ. Oh how brilliant and startling are the colors in which he paints our world, in which he paints our dreams.

This is my first breath without fear.

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