Morning Epiphany

So, I was on my way home from work this morning at ten of seven, listening to David Gray, and I had an epiphany. Not just your average, "light bulb moment", but one that shifted SO much into perspective and changes not just me, but a friendship that is very important to me. Permit me to clarify.

I realized that I have confused romantic love w/ codependency. Not co-dependent in a traditional psychological sense, but in that there is a dependency w/in the relationship that sometimes produces false intimacy and unhealthy boundaries;henceforth creating feelings and emotions that would otherwise (most likely) not exist. I still think some of it can be attributed to seasons of life, commitment, investment in time and experiences, and just basic affection and love. All of this can be interpreted in so many ways: brother/sister, best friends, Godly men/women roles, and potentially the evolution of misunderstood emotions. I'm not saying that things couldn't have gone there anyway, it's just the way humans are wired after all. But, I also think we have a tendency to ruin relationships/friendships by not recognizing what is truth, and consequently, failing to communicate so things just dissolve - leaving emotions unresolved, and brokenness where there could be joy.

I'm certainly not trying to psychoanalyze everything, but this is something I recognize I have struggled w/ for years - and now in that acknowledgement, can come behavior modifications that will mutually benefit myself AND the friendships which significantly matter to me.

I am truly excited by this. I can now see I was trading all the romantic things which really matter to me. Why on earth would I do that? My first real relationship was to the extreme of this, and most close guy friendships since then have either evolved into this to some degree. How 'light' it feels now to understand this, and thus protect myself accordingly.

Once again, no idea why this occurred, literally out of nowhere this morning, but I rejoice that it did. It will only make my friendship better, not a constant walking on eggshells for my heart. It simply puts everything right in place. And allows whomever wishes to ever pursue me, the luxury of doing so w/out ridiculous expectations and inappropriate relationships. Yay for me!!!

I hope this was illuminating w/out being too over the top. And now for the scripture which has seen me through thus far...
"Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Love you! :)