Decisions

It's amazing how much can happen in such a short amount of time. Time being both the friend and the enemy, I suppose. I really am speechless at the decisions we have to sometimes make. Decisions that could possibly haunt us the rest of our lives. Decisions that could hurt, and some that could heal - but it doesn't make the choices any easier. Fight or flight? I still don't remember what class I was taught that in school, but I've always remembered the phrase. I fear I have to make the same decision. The decision to fight for something, or to leave. Nothing could possibly hurt more.

In my quest, I have searched the Bible with a fine tooth comb. I have only come up with words I do not want to hear. Why does the decision that I feel God is saying to be have to be the most painful? Damn it! Again and again and again I repeat the circumstances of my life. I'm still inclined to make the same decisions that I made earlier, and expect different results. Why is that?!? I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do. I don't know how to do this. I'm not sure I can. I am weary to the bone, and still I cry. God, please help me. Take me. Blind me to my ways, and open my eyes to yours.