Sharing
So, I've been sitting here tonight in my cute little apartment, pondering the thought of sharing. No, not so much in a juvenile way, but more along the lines of my life. I made myself a delicious dinner, I gave myself a pedicure and shaved my legs, I've watched multiple episodes of Law & Order SVU - and although I thoroughly enjoyed the relaxation and time alone, I kept looking back to where I was this time last weekend and felt a sort of longing. Now, I need to quickly clarify so as not to give the wrong impression. Last weekend was fantastic, but it wasn't necessarily the 'who' or the 'what' (no offense bb), but it was the being a part of something - being with people who mattered that is motivating me to ponder.....do I truly want someone to share my life with someone?
That word is perplexing me, as is the theory. I'm sitting here letting my toes dry and watching (even more) SVU - and I am really starting to be inclined to wish someone was here with me. Don't know what this has to do with the price of tea in China, except to say, I feel like I might be growing in the direction that I want to share my life with someone. I've thought for quite some time now that I really truly didn't want to get married. I really do enjoy the butterflies in my tummy, the way I always blush when I read a text/email or someone says something sweet, or the anticipation of not knowing the outcome of a relationship but enjoying it just the same. I enjoy the game, the thrill, and the exhileration. I also really enjoy being alone, not having to answer to anyone, and not being hurt. I had a good friend tell me recently; however, that I need to be relentless (good word) in regards to pursuing relationships (of all kinds), and that fear is not a reason to shut myself off from those experiences. Wise words from a wise man. I pray I'm strong enough to prove him right.
Well, I'm going to go finish my SVU, moisturize myself, and continue to contemplate this desire to share myself. Potentially share my life. So I will open my eyes wide, and push my way though the fear, and get up tomorrow and start my relentless pursuit of life. Whatever that means.
Yes, yes - I love you - even if you push me harder and farther than I ever want to go. Even now, my brother, even now.
k
That word is perplexing me, as is the theory. I'm sitting here letting my toes dry and watching (even more) SVU - and I am really starting to be inclined to wish someone was here with me. Don't know what this has to do with the price of tea in China, except to say, I feel like I might be growing in the direction that I want to share my life with someone. I've thought for quite some time now that I really truly didn't want to get married. I really do enjoy the butterflies in my tummy, the way I always blush when I read a text/email or someone says something sweet, or the anticipation of not knowing the outcome of a relationship but enjoying it just the same. I enjoy the game, the thrill, and the exhileration. I also really enjoy being alone, not having to answer to anyone, and not being hurt. I had a good friend tell me recently; however, that I need to be relentless (good word) in regards to pursuing relationships (of all kinds), and that fear is not a reason to shut myself off from those experiences. Wise words from a wise man. I pray I'm strong enough to prove him right.
Well, I'm going to go finish my SVU, moisturize myself, and continue to contemplate this desire to share myself. Potentially share my life. So I will open my eyes wide, and push my way though the fear, and get up tomorrow and start my relentless pursuit of life. Whatever that means.
Yes, yes - I love you - even if you push me harder and farther than I ever want to go. Even now, my brother, even now.
k
posted by karebear @ 8:45 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home