Born
Read a profound quote last night from J.R.R. Tolkien (which of course I'm having tattooed on me somewhere). It said "Not all who wander are lost".
I've been faced with some serious changes lately that have forced me to reckon with this quote and evaluate if I am indeed lost, or simply prone to wander? Is this the place I am to settle, to face God head on? Is settling down the equivalent of giving some things up or embracing others? So much of me deeply longs and yearns for the next adventure. To see new things, cherish new experiences and marinate my soul in the beauty of 'moving on'. The other part of me is at least attempting to contemplate the possibility that maybe it is time to stay in one place, not just in actuality, but in spirit as well. Although my body was in Indy for five years, my heart and my mind were constantly on where I was going next - it just evolved as trips opposed to relocating. Now I fear my time is coming where the decisions I make are actually going to be forming deep rooted paths, not just whimsical day dreams.
Part of me is so desperately tired of goodbyes, that I could just weep from the burden of them all. The rest of me simply cannot rest. Simply cannot fathom indefinite periods of time in one place, committed to one group of people. Why can't I just roam the earth like Cain? Granted, he was cursed - but aren't I as well?
I am a complicated, crazy girl - but some aspects are oh so ordinary. Do I belong anywhere? Or maybe the more important question is do I really belong here? Its time to figure that out. Its time I took the bull by the horns, or more accurately, look God in the eye and actually have the very conversation I've been avoiding all my true adult life. 'Knowing is half the battle' and all that, but ignorance is bliss. Decisions, decisions.
I suppose the difference this time around is my absolute pursuit of truth. Now if I could just grow a bigger pair of balls, I might just go for it. Bull. God. Truth. Valiant. Scandalous. Vulnerable. Fierce.
"Not all who wander are lost".
I've been faced with some serious changes lately that have forced me to reckon with this quote and evaluate if I am indeed lost, or simply prone to wander? Is this the place I am to settle, to face God head on? Is settling down the equivalent of giving some things up or embracing others? So much of me deeply longs and yearns for the next adventure. To see new things, cherish new experiences and marinate my soul in the beauty of 'moving on'. The other part of me is at least attempting to contemplate the possibility that maybe it is time to stay in one place, not just in actuality, but in spirit as well. Although my body was in Indy for five years, my heart and my mind were constantly on where I was going next - it just evolved as trips opposed to relocating. Now I fear my time is coming where the decisions I make are actually going to be forming deep rooted paths, not just whimsical day dreams.
Part of me is so desperately tired of goodbyes, that I could just weep from the burden of them all. The rest of me simply cannot rest. Simply cannot fathom indefinite periods of time in one place, committed to one group of people. Why can't I just roam the earth like Cain? Granted, he was cursed - but aren't I as well?
I am a complicated, crazy girl - but some aspects are oh so ordinary. Do I belong anywhere? Or maybe the more important question is do I really belong here? Its time to figure that out. Its time I took the bull by the horns, or more accurately, look God in the eye and actually have the very conversation I've been avoiding all my true adult life. 'Knowing is half the battle' and all that, but ignorance is bliss. Decisions, decisions.
I suppose the difference this time around is my absolute pursuit of truth. Now if I could just grow a bigger pair of balls, I might just go for it. Bull. God. Truth. Valiant. Scandalous. Vulnerable. Fierce.
"Not all who wander are lost".
posted by karebear @ 11:01 PM
0 comments
